“Please make it stop…”
By Chris Clarke
Today’s flurry of news, without the spin:
The Jeremy Trump Show
Trump’s national security adviser Michael Flynn resigns. Opportunistic Washington D.C. politicians are rounding on him with scandal accusations, Russian ties and a Supreme Court nomination crisis. Donald’s Tweets about listed companies are creating stock market price dips and rebounds for equally opportunistic day traders. Seems like just another day at the office, and a billionaire’s version of the Jeremy Kyle Show.
When Article 50 Rumours Run Like Area 51
Brexit? Folks, nothing’s really happened yet. And all the ominous-sounding Article 50 references seem to resound in mainstream headlines like references to Area 51 in Fortean Times. Article 50 is a five point process and part of the Lisbon Treaty (2009), which was signed by the heads of countries that are part of the EU. They say it takes two years to negotiate. The rough guide is more like 10. That’s because the UK’s exit has to be negotiated with the remaining 27 members of the EU and ultimately approved by them. Breathe in with me…now exhale…
And Speaking of Aliens, Here’s Winston Churchill…
Yes, it seems the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955, was a UFOlogist. A previously undiscovered essay written by Mr Churchill in 1939 reveals his belief in, and fascination for the cosmic world and other living, thinking creatures – opposable thumbs optional. According to The Week, Churchill was the first prime minister to have a science adviser and regularly met with scientists such as radio astronomer Sir Bernard Lovell to talk about his discoveries.
Science Has Discovered A Cure For Baldness…A Thousand Years From Now
I hate articles like these.
There’s an announcement about a promising new cure for cancer/blindness/halitosis/baldness (insert your favourite Mad Lib condition) that’s followed by the phrase, “not coming to an ASDA near you until well past the point of it being valuable during your lifetime.” Can we cut this shit out please? OK, beneath the heading: Why DO Men Go Bald, Science Finally Has The Answer, we’re regaled with the words of a PhD student from The University of Edinburgh who has identified hundreds of new genetic signals for baldness. Cue the phrase, “Curing the problem is a little way off. These results take us one step closer.”
Guess I’ll just wait here with my diminishing hairline and baseball hat.
And Today’s Most Depressing Story Goes To…
RBS has been accused of fraud and forgery. That’s just to augment the other accusations of misleading clients, PPI, world hunger, manipulating Libor rates, FX misdeeds, escaping paying dividends to investors for ten years, bird flu, shite management, £multi-billion losses and fines and £multi-million bonus payments to staff throughout…I confess I do enjoy that last bit. Apparently the logic here on bonuses is that if you don’t compensate some of the elite money managers well enough they’ll just go elsewhere. Hmmm…maybe time to reconsider that strategy.
Chart This Trend
From Chart of the Day: “With the Dow currently trading above the 20,000 milestone, today’s chart provides some long-term perspective by illustrating the inflation-adjusted Dow since 1900 — there are several points of interest. Take for example an unlucky buy-and-hold investor that invested in the Dow right at the dot-com peak of December 1999. A decade and a half later, the inflation-adjusted Dow is up a mere 24%. That is not altogether an impressive performance considering that 17 years have passed. On the other hand, take the investor who bought right at the end of the financial crisis. The inflation-adjusted Dow is up a significant 154% from its financial crisis lows — not bad for a for an eight year investment. More recently, the inflation-adjusted Dow has rallied and continues to make new all-time highs as it works its way towards long-term resistance (see red line).”
Look out for more burnt toast for breakfast tomorrow…