When The Ducks Quack, Feed’em – Fidget Spinners (FS) 2.0

E L Emerson

Most days we like to take a crack at new ideas that are sorely needed out there…this one, however, comes with the Rubik’s Cube disclaimer: It’s usefulness is more in line with driving further anxiety than burning it.

Now some might say we’re coming to the market a bit late on this one, but I’m not so sure that’s true. As with the case of Rubik, there were numerous spin-offs (pun intended), and methinks the age of the social Interweb could help add a few potentially profitable wrinkles.

Now, have we missed the ball on creating the fidget spinner app? Yep, that’s already here – Online Frustration 

OK. How about first stage evolutions of this little annoyance – whose patent for a “spinning toywas granted way back in 1997 to Catherine Hettinger…who then pitched it to Hasbro Inc…who sent her walking after their market testing showed it was a loser? Have these been and gone?

Yep. The equally stupid “Fidget Cube” raised $6.4 million through Kickstarter (what was that about never underestimating the stupidity of the consumer / investor?).

So where do we, as Opportunists, go from here? What does Fidget Spinner 2.0 look like?

First, each of the legs needs to be able to fold at 90 degrees and 180 degrees, that latter point so that it curls up like a dead bug and fits more neatly into one’s pocket. That way it appears more like pocket change, which is important in order to hide the fact that the emotional crutch for your anxiety-stricken adulthood is a spinning children’s toy that you must keep in your pocket at all times (not a big date-getter).

The 90 degree leg-fold option affords your spinner “legs” upon which it can stand and be slid across desktops, bars and the tiled corridors of your (now former) place of work. It can also be spun in this upright position.

Now, still with legs at 90 degrees, we turn the spinner upside down onto its back and have the equivalent of a far more interesting bottle cap to be spun. You can even add a dizzy-wheel hypnotic lines image to the centre fingerpad for zone-out buzz…now cluck like a chicken for me…you’re under my control. 

But Finger Spinner 2.0 (FS 2.0) doesn’t end with these simple enhancements. This is a truly interactive and online tool.

FS 2.0 is also a computer mouse so that you can simply spin your way through that anxiety-ridden 9 to 5 existence with help always at hand.    

Obviously, I can’t tell you any more about the direct online engagements of this wonderful and as-yet-unexplored device (because we don’t know yet) but we’re going to patent this puppy and make billions.

Remember that you heard it here first.

Now stop clucking like a chicken.

You’re free to go.

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